The phrase "seven-year itch" comes up periodically in casual conversation: Observers try to make sense of other couples' relationship troubles, people try to explain their own relationship restlessness, or partners might use it as an excuse for their wandering eye. But how good of an excuse is it?
Does the seven-year mark put couples' relationships at risk?
The basic idea behind the "seven-year itch" is that romantic partners experience turbulence and a potential point-of-reckoning around seven years together. Viewed as a critical juncture, the seven-year itch is defined as a time when couples re-evaluate: They either realize that their relationship isn't working, or they feel deeply satisfied and committed to their relationship.
Is the seven-year itch a real thing?
From a developmental perspective on relationships, the seven-year itch has a commonsense appeal. Initially, newly-married couples experience a well-documented relationship high, often referred to as a honeymoon phase. This honeymoon phase is characterized by high relationship satisfaction (Kurdek, 1998). Couples are basking in mutual infatuation, joy (or relief) at meeting the social expectation of marriage, and/or rosy illusions of what marriage and their life together with their partner might be like. It's a wonderful feeling.
And then... there's a transition. Newly-married couples, particularly those who have not cohabited previously, must negotiate chores and responsibilities, coordinate their work-life balance, and in other ways merge their lives. This process is not always smooth. While not all couples move through their first few years in the same way (Lavner & Bradbury, 2010), most experience at least some declines in satisfaction as their relationship continues.
If declines in satisfaction reach a height at approximately seven years, maybe that would explain the common phrase, seven-year itch. A peak in instability, however, appears to come earlier.
Or is it four years?
Although people talk about seven years, divorce rates have historically peaked at around four years (Fisher, 1989). Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher argues that this four-year peak makes sense from an evolutionary perspective.
In the course of human evolution, women who changed partners after four years together (enough time to co-parent through the early hard years of having a couple of kids) may have had an adaptive advantage. By engaging in "serial pair-bonding," they could vary the genetic make-up of their offspring. The timing of today's peaks in divorce rates may reflect the ingrained drive towards variation.
More recent research (Kulu, 2014) suggests that divorce rates rise after marriage and then peak at about five years. Rates of divorce then steadily decline as years together increase. This rising-falling pattern is reminiscent of the seven-year-itch argument but occurs slightly earlier (a five-year itch?) than the phrase suggests.
Time-based relationship vulnerability
It seems that a seven-year itch might be better named the four-year itch or the five-year itch, but even then, there's room for improvement. For instance, when do the seven (or four or five) years begin? Is it when a couple begins dating? Or is it when a couple gets married? The minimal research into this specific topic seems to assume a point of marriage; yet, couples often cohabitate prior to marriage, co-parent outside of wedlock, or never marry yet are fully committed to each other.
Even if relationship instability might crest at certain intervals, it's unlikely that time itself is the factor driving couple uncertainty, interest in other potential partners, or general distress. If external stresses tend to peak along a particular pattern (e.g., heightened financial or family stress), then those stresses (rather than time) would be worth our attention. Learning how to buffer couples from the adverse effects of external stress could help support their own smoother, more stable trajectory.
Marriage Essential Reads
3 Signs That Your "Marriage Identity" Is Bulletproof
How Men and Women Find Fulfillment in Their Families
Facebook image: Marcos Mesa Sam Wordley/Shutterstock
References
Fisher, H. E. (1989). Evolution of human serial pairbonding. American Journal of Physical Anthropology, 78(3), 331-354.
Kulu, H. (2014). Marriage duration and divorce: The seven-year itch or a lifelong itch?. Demography, 51(3), 881-893.
Kurdek, L. A. (1998). The nature and predictors of the trajectory of change in marital quality over the first 4 years of marriage for first-married husbands and wives. Journal of Family Psychology, 494–510.
Lavner, J. A., & Bradbury, T. N. (2010). Patterns of change in marital satisfaction over the newlywed years. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72, 1171-1187.
FAQs
Ever since, the seven year itch -- a period of restless angst -- has been used as an excuse for infidelity. Now, a study suggests that such an itch is often a reality. An evaluation of 93 married couples during their first 10 years of marriage showed two typical periods of decline.
Is the 7 year itch a real thing? ›
The seven-year itch or 7-year itch refers to the notion that divorce rates reach their height around the seven-year mark of commitment. While this concept has been widely disputed, it is a concern that plagues many if they start experiencing marital issues seven years into their relationship.
Why is year 7 the hardest in marriage? ›
Of course, by the seven-year mark, partners are well past the honeymoon phase — and issues may have begun to arise. “With added time, marital struggles can include issues like poor communication and listening skills, a lack of empathy and partners having unrealistic expectations of one another,” Dr. Borland explains.
What is the 7 year itch psychology today? ›
The seven-year itch—named as such after the classic 1955 Marilyn Monroe film—refers to a point in many marriages where partners may begin to feel a decline in their marital satisfaction.
What happens after the 7 year itch? ›
Everything begins to feel a little bit mundane or routine. Anecdotally, it's said we're more likely to go our separate ways around this time. Perhaps more likely to resort to infidelity. For whatever reason, married life becomes less shiny and divorce rates are rumoured to peak.
What is the hardest year in a relationship? ›
For some couples, it's year 5 or 6, and for others it's 8. But around this time, couples, even those in obviously healthy relationships, often experience a kind of personal crisis where they start to question much of what they'd come to expect from their relationship.
What are hardest years of marriage? ›
Divorce lawyers, psychologists, and researchers have slotted years of marriage into periods and have rated them based on their risk of divorce:
- Years 1–2: Very Risky.
- Years 3–4: Mild Risk.
- Years 5–8: Very Risky.
- Years 9–15: Low Risk.
- Years 15 and over: Low to Mild Risk.
Here's how the 777 Rule works: every seven days you go on a date, every seven weeks you go away for the night and every seven months the two of you head off on a romantic holiday. It might sound a tad prescriptive, and an à deux holiday almost twice a year could be one too many, but nevertheless we get the point.
How to avoid the 7 year itch? ›
Set aside time to talk on a daily basis, even if it's just 20 minutes. Take time to get dressed up and go out on dates. If a marriage succumbs to the seven year itch, it's most likely because the couple turned a blind eye to their problems instead of solving them."
What year do most marriages fail? ›
After all, almost 50% of first marriages, 60% of second marriages, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. While there are countless divorce studies with conflicting statistics, the data points to two periods during a marriage when divorces are most common: years 1 – 2 and years 5 – 8.
The seven-year itch is a popular belief, sometimes quoted as having psychological backing, that happiness in a marriage or long-term romantic relationship declines after around seven years.
Does the 7 year itch apply to dating? ›
You've heard of the seven-year-itch. It's the sense of restlessness or dissatisfaction that supposedly sets in after you've been with someone for seven years of time. It's most often talked about in the context of romantic relationships but is also applied to one's “relationship” with something like a job or place.
What is the 7 year itch std? ›
Scabies (/ˈskeɪbiːz, ˈskeɪbiiːz/; also sometimes known as the seven-year itch) is a contagious human skin infestation by the tiny (0.2–0.45 mm) mite Sarcoptes scabiei, variety hominis. The word is from Latin: scabere, lit. 'to scratch'. The most common symptoms are severe itchiness and a pimple-like rash.
How long do average marriages last? ›
In 2018, the median duration of marriage for individuals in a first marriage was 21 years. In other words, half of Americans in a first marriage in 2018 were married for at least 21 years.
Why do couples divorce after 7 years? ›
Neither spouse is who they were when they got married, and who they've become may no longer align with one another's goals. Life may also start to feel boring instead of comfortable. One partner or the other may feel little to no motivation to spend with their spouse and may start spending more time away from home.
What is the origin of the 7 year itch? ›
Origin of “Seven-Year Itch”
The seven-year itch used to be a physical condition. It was a rash caused by a bacterial infection known as scabies. Back then, scabies took up to seven years to cure. The use of the phrase seven-year itch can also be traced to the play Seven-Year Itch by George Axelrod in 1952.
What causes 7-year itch? ›
If a marriage succumbs to the seven year itch, it's most likely because the couple turned a blind eye to their problems instead of solving them." Elaine Marshall is a freelance writer living in Reno, Nev.
What is the 7 year itch in astrology? ›
You've probably heard of the seven-year itch. Some people refer to them as seven-year soul cycles. In astrology, it is believed that every seven years is an evolutionary cycle during which where your body, mind, and spirit evolve. This belief stems from how there is a major shift in the cosmos shift every seven years.
What is the 7 year itch disease? ›
A scabies infestation causes intense itching (pruritus) which leads to scratching and damage of the skin (excoriation). If left untreated, the infestation may last for years, and has been called the seven year itch. This is a photomicrograph of a skin scraping that contains a scabies mite, eggs, and feces.
What do they say about the seven-year itch? ›
It basically just means that all relationships are subjected to a bit of a hurdle or a contentious period after a couple has been together for seven years. They start questioning if they still want to be in that relationship. Some couples stay together, and others get divorced.
