"talked with" vs "talked to" (2025)

I frequently find myself writing an email to a work associate where I'm explaining that I had a conversation another associated to resolve an issue. So, I'll write something like "I talked to (with) Joe and we're on the same page now."

My concern is that I don't want my statement to be construed as "I lectured Joe and we're on the same page now." In other words, "talking to" or "talking with" someone can sound like (to me) lecturing or reprimanding, as in "some had a talking to." A less ambiguous comment would be "I conversed with Joe and we're on the same page now," though that sounds way to formal for an email.

So, should I use "talked to," "talked with," or is there a 3rd option I'm missing?

This is just my subjective impression, but "talked with" always sounds "nicer" to me, like it was a more balanced, two-sided discussion - both sides were heard and considered.

However, Pops' "Joe and I discussed it and we are on the same page now" seems like the perfect solution. That definitely sounds like a balanced, egalitarian conversation.

I think that Aaron is being overly literal. "I talked to him yesterday" doesn't mean that the conversation consisted entirely of my talking. Nor does "I talked with him" mean that we were both jabbering away at once.

Anyway, on the original question: I, too, like Pops' solution of starting with "Joe and I..." That says immediately that both contributed to the discussion.

As a child I remember my parents saying one "talks with" someone if it is conversation. However, "talks to" someone if they are arguing/angry.

It's been my rule of thumb for years and seems to be doing the job.

I detected a shift.

For years I would quite happily have said "I was talking to John about .." but recently I've tended to switch to "..talking with John .." in order to avoid offending sensibilities.

Phil-Olly said:

I detected a shift.

For years I would quite happily have said "I was talking to John about .." but recently I've tended to switch to "..talking with John .." in order to avoid offending sensibilities.

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I have to agree with you. To me there does not seem to be much difference either way. However, as you said, there does seem to be a shift in both its percieved , and one's sensibilities these days. It's like so many other sayings in speech.